Show some grace

Hi there,

It’s been a while, not because I haven’t been writing, but because I haven’t been able to complete the fifteen pieces I started. And that’s how life is currently going, so many open tabs and a lot of bricks crumbling on me at once.

I don’t want to be presumed to be a sad writer, even though a lot of people already know that I write better when I’m sad. The truth is, I am an optimist to the core, and I make sure to leave traces of my optimism wherever I go. However, this space should also permit my vulnerability, because life isn’t always a bed of roses.

Grace…

I’ve seen a lot of advocacy lately about showing ourselves grace, but I believe grace should go beyond being kind to yourself, excusing your mistakes, and overlooking your flaws. Grace should extend beyond you; it should be given freely to the people around you, too.

I had a conversation with a friend recently that inspired this piece. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and she wanted to know why I hadn’t responded to two messages she had sent me. She asked if I was intentionally ignoring her, and I thought to myself, “This is the age to be honest. If you want to build anything meaningful with anyone, there’s no need for sugarcoating anymore.”

So I told my friend the truth. When her first message came in, I saw it and intended to read it properly and respond, but somehow it slipped my mind. There had been so many other things occupying my thoughts, and before I knew it, time had passed. As for the second message, I genuinely didn’t even notice when it came in. That was the truth.

We talked things out. We apologised to each other and, somehow, ended up planning a brunch that might never happen because, well, life is always life. But my friend extended me grace. She understood that I hadn’t consciously chosen to ignore her messages or intentionally overlooked her social media posts.

And maybe that little conversation did more than clear the air. Maybe it opened a door to a deeper kind of friendship where we can be honest about our shortcomings, ask questions instead of making assumptions, and give each other the grace to be human. Sometimes, all it takes is one honest conversation to remind you that the people who matter are worth explaining yourself to.

Assumption is a disease. It eats you up and slowly turns you against the truth.

People are fighting battles, often far more silently than we could ever imagine. People get lost in their own agonies. They are drowning in their thoughts. Some are sick and don’t want to share their pain with anyone. Some are simply tired, tired of life, tired of waking up every day to a new phase, a new challenge, a new thing to carry. Others just want to slow down, breathe, and rebuild their sanity.

And it is okay to allow them to do so without making their silence about you.

Imagine someone quietly dealing with a health scare, and all you can think about is how they aren’t showing up for you anymore. Imagine someone barely holding themselves together, and you interpret their absence as rejection.

No. Please, show some grace.

You may never know what someone is carrying behind the silence you are so quick to take personally. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is give people room to be human, to withdraw, to heal, to be tired, to disappear for a little while, without demanding that they explain their pain to you.

You don’t even have to know or understand what someone is fighting to be kind and graceful.

Expectations are unrealistic. No one can consistently live up to every expectation you have designed for them in your head.

Your children may not become exactly who you imagined they would be. Your friends may not always show up for you in the ways you expect. Your family and the people you love may not always be who or what you need them to be. And that doesn’t necessarily make them bad people. Sometimes, it simply makes them human.

The truth is, your expectations are yours to manage. You cannot anchor someone else’s life to an idea of who you think they should be, how they should behave, or what you believe they should do for you. People are allowed to be themselves, to have limitations, to change, to disappoint you, and even to choose a path different from the one you imagined for them.

It is unfair to ask people to spend their lives trying to become the version of themselves that exists only in your head. And perhaps it is equally unfair to yourself to constantly measure the people you love against expectations they never agreed to carry.

Give people room to be human. You may find that there is far more love and beauty in who they actually are than in who you expected them to be.

Limit or even zero your expectations gracefully because no one is indebted to them.

Perfection is not a human attribute. Our hearts, bodies, and characters were never designed to be perfect. We can try, but perfection will always remain unattainable.

So why, then, do we struggle to excuse the flaws of others when we are also people full of flaws? We are quick to accept our own shortcomings, to explain our mistakes, and to give ourselves room to be imperfect. Yet, somehow, we struggle to extend that same grace to others when they fall short.

We forget that the people around us are also learning, struggling, growing, and making mistakes. They are carrying their own imperfections, just as we are carrying ours.

Honestly, we are all guilty of this in one way or another. We are often kinder to ourselves than we are to the people around us. Perhaps we all need to do better and extend the same grace we so readily ask for to the people who need it from us, too.

You can’t put someone on a pedestal of perfection and expect them never to make mistakes when you don’t have your own life figured out either.

Conclusively, life is hard. For everyone.

Drop the assumptions. Let go of the expectations. Stop expecting perfection. And, above all, just let people breathe.

We are all trying to navigate this life the best way we know how. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can offer each other is a little more grace.

I will be back soon!